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5
Mar

penis emporium-our pretty waitress copy

So, here are my tasting notes from my penis eating adventure. As I have already said, it was not a gastronomic experience but a fun and a very interesting one all the same. We ate in a private room and had our own dedicated waitress who, as you can see from the slightly hazy picture above, was very pretty. I wondered how she coped with male customers during and at the end of meals as they got more drunk and convinced of their increased strength — to become strong is the main reason for eating penis; strong is also the name or logo of the restaurant — but it wasn’t a question I felt I could ask despite being with two lovely Chinese friends who helped me find the restaurant and once there, decide what to order, translate, etc.

The place is relatively expensive and however much I wanted to try the many different penises on offer, I did not want to spend a fortune. So, we settled on half a hot pot (one of the few you could order in halves) with lamb, stud ox, monkey and deer penis.

penis emporium-penis platter copy

And this is how our order came, with a bright red erect jelly penis in the middle! By the way, the long white bits at the front of the picture are spinal cord.

penis emporium-lamb being dropped in soup copy

Our waitress poached the bits of penis in a good turtle soup, kept bubbling on an induction hot plate, before serving them to us to dip in any one of three different sauces: a slightly lemony soy one, a sesame paste one and I can’t remember the third one. Perhaps because I didn’t like it.

penis emporium-lamb cooked copy

We started with the alpha male lamb penis. The texture was gelatinous with hardly any resistance. Some pieces were softer than others and had a slightly nicer mouth feel although I can’t say I was seduced.

penis emporium-stud ox cooked copy

Then we had stud ox penis. I liked those pieces a little better. They offered a little more resistance and had a more interesting texture. Still, it was more like eating gristle than like eating a luxurious part of an animal.

penis emporium-spinal cord being dropped in soup copy

After that we had a slight respite and were served spinal cord which I love — I used to always order it in Lebanese restaurants in London until the BSE crisis put a stop to it being on the menu. They were nice, soft and velvety with the skin a little chewy, offering a good contrast to the melting inside. And luckily our delightful waitress did not overcook them.

penis emporium-donkey cooked copy

Then came the turn of the donkey penis. All penises are served in three parts: the tip, the middle part and the part nearest to the body. We had the bit nearest to the body. It was a little like boiled beef brisket, with fatty bits and meaty ones. Although it was nowhere near as nice as the beef brisket I had at Kau Kee Noodles in Hong Kong — the best ever.

penis emporium-deer v precious copy penis emporium-deer being dropped in soup copy

And finally we got to the most precious part of our platter: deer penis from Xifeng in Liaoning Province with one piece for each of us from the tip and more from the part nearer the body which was more like inferior boiled bacon.

penis emporium-deer cooked in sauce copy

My precious piece of deer penis dipped in the lemony soy sauce. It was better than any of the other ones, with a genuinely pleasing gelatinous texture.

Throughout the meal, the waitress filled our bowls with turtle soup for us to drink with our meats. The soup was rich and milky and very good. My final verdict: I expected the textures to be more interesting. None were silky like pig’s trotters or chewy with a slight crunch like beef tendons. They were just soft and bland, and the experience fairly expensive for such uninteresting fare as you can see from the bill below.

penis emporium-bill copy

All the time we were eating, I was fascinated by the red penis for show. At the end, I couldn’t resist touching it to the great hilarity of our waitress. It actually felt like a real one although perhaps a touch over-sized! As we left, our lovely waitress handed each one of us a small red sachet like those they use for money in the new year. We wondered what was inside it but we should have guessed really. She had slipped a condom inside each which left me still wondering about her and what happens once she finishes her shift.


There is 12 comments on this post


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    Thank you, Anissa, for the evocative account of this fascinating if quite bizarre gastronomic experience. Reading it, I was wondering if any alcoholic drinks were served alongside – and I’m not thinking about wine here – rather, some pretty flavor-neutral grain-based beverage. I feel I’d need some, especially with those more gelatinous bits. Wishes of a pleasant weekend.


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    … and I ought to add here that I am very appreciative of the bizarre – lucullan – aspect [of the experience].


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    oh, we had beer but i guess the guys would have mao tai which is really strong and expensive. i should have asked for some. didn’t think about it.


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    glad to hear this. i wouldn’t have missed it for anything. it was really interesting 🙂


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    You make me want to be a vegetarian all over again!


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    honestly nanette, you have no sense of adventure 🙂


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    I second Nanette on that thought. And well – the adventure would lie elsewhere IMHO – ;o)


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    i hate to say this young ladies: you are both rather timid foodies 🙂


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    I’ll join the timid ones. Even though I’ve eaten quite a few different things, like elephant trunk–this makes me queasy.


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    i kind of understand but i had to do it 🙂


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    Wow, you are a brave woman, Anissa! I so enjoyed this post, especially your fondling of the decorative centerpiece at the end 😉


  • Warning: Undefined array key 36 in /data/40/0/131/109/783598/user/802494/htdocs/anissahelou/wp-content/themes/Anissa/functions.php on line 377

    you are too funny amy. the experience was great fun but not exactly delicious 🙂

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